Still Holding You

A paradox to feel so numb.

Why can't I feel your little thumb?

Why do you look just like me?

My biggest fear has come to be.

This isn't real, I'm in a dream

But then I hear your mother scream.

And just like that another year

And yet I am still standing there 

-John Schell III

It's been years since my daughter unexpectedly passed away at birth. I frequently find myself reliving those few minutes when I held her after she was born. In those few minutes, I felt lost, broken, confused, and utterly numb. Time seemed to freeze in that moment, and I often find myself still standing in that room, holding her.